Not Good Enough
Donald Winnicott coined the idea of the "good enough parent." It was his response to "expert" parenting advice, inviting people to follow their natural instincts, which was good enough for humanity to survive till today.
When thinking about climate change, social injustice, species extinction, and all the other crises, there does not seem to be a "good enough." Whatever I do, whatever we do as humanity, it's not good enough. We might recycle, stop flying, organize politically, work in an NGO, buy secondhand, and eat vegan. And yet, our carbon footprint is more than our fair share, and our political actions don't show results. It's exhausting.
When I think about not-enoughness, I think about everything I and others could do for the planet. I also feel righteous to ask more of myself and others because, obviously, it's necessary.
I like the idea of Winnicott's "good enough." It helps me wrestle with the sense that I constantly need to do more. And it helps me manage my expectations towards others to think they need to do more.
The roots of not-enoughness lie in our sense of not being enough. We try to compensate by doing. Of course, that can't work. To be in right relationship with yourself means to know when what you have done is "good enough." And this requires knowing that you are enough.
Yet, telling myself or telling you that we are enough is insufficient. I understand we are. And yet, I don't know. Understanding and knowing are two different things. Understanding is intellectual. Knowing is embodied, embedded, enacted, and extended.
To be in right relation to myself as "good enough," I can - therefore - practice calling out my sense of not-enoughness. Whenever I sense that what I do is not enough, I can greet her (the sense of not-enoughness) like a friendly neighbor: I cordially say hi, listen to her life stories, and don't give her a second thought. I don't engage with her emotionally.
Being good enough individually and collectively does not mean we stop trying harder. It means that we accept that today, it might not be the sky that is the limit but the roof over our heads.
🐒 Something fascinating about others
The mimic octopus is a master of disguise in the underwater world. To deter predators, it can impersonate various toxic or venomous marine creatures, such as lionfish, flatfish, and sea snakes.
📚 A book I recommend
Never Finished: Unshackle Your Mind and Win the War Within by David Goggins. It seems that for David Goggins, there is no "good enough." He doesn't stop pushing himself beyond the edges. At the same time, he doesn't seem to doubt that he "is enough." It exemplifies how we can pursue more without feeling less.
💌 A quote that matters
"Every day, bite off more than you can chew, and chew it." Michael Singer
✍️ A journal prompt to practice philosophy
In which ways do you think you are not good enough? Where do you think others are not good enough? Now take those answers and write the following in front of them: "I am fine with not being good enough in….". Notice and write down how that feels.