But really: who am I?
Discover more from rewilding philosophy
Today's article differs from what you usually read from me. It's less analytical, more reflective. I don't attempt to form a philosophical argument. It's more vulnerable because it reveals some of my underlying beliefs about the nature of reality that, to some, might sound esoteric, irrational, or plain useless to consider.
I share these thoughts nonetheless because my research led me to the conclusion that asking deep questions about ourselves, our place on this planet and in this universe, about the nature of reality and mysticism plays a key role in a sustainable or regenerative future. They are necessary to answer follow-up questions such as: Why do we want to preserve life on earth? What types of technology are justified to mitigate global warming? Why should we change our lifestyle? For what greater purpose?
I have noticed that many people think about deeper questions but have few spaces to do so collectively. I have also talked to many people who feel insecure about talking about these topics because they make us vulnerable. Sharing my thoughts in this way is an invitation to open more of these spaces.
When I talk about sustainable lifestyles - which I talk about a lot - I am less interested in how to recycle well and produce less waste (although it matters a lot). Instead, I am more interested in exactly these deeper questions: What is our understanding of ourselves, of the nature of reality, and how, then, does that affect how we live?
In his famous TED talk, the entrepreneur Simon Sinek argues that successful organizations start with WHY in their communication. He says that we need to start with why to inspire. He says that Great leaders first tell us why they offer a particular product, then tell us about their what and how. Apple, for example, first tells us that they want every person to be able to be a creator. And they also happen to make computers, phones, and watches.
The irony of citing a US entrepreneur, TED talks, and Apple in relation to asking deeper questions is not lost on me. But it also shows our human need and desire to understand WHY. Toddlers might ask up to 300 why questions a day.
Many individuals have no answer to WHY; collectively, we don't either. We've lost a clear WHY that drove previous generations.
And I have been and am also in search of that WHY.
So, here I go…
What is it? This individual? This is me that I describe when asked who I am.
I am a mechanical engineer. I am a partner, a daughter, a friend, a lover, and a dog carer. I am a creative. I am a professor. I am a writer. I am a gardener. I am a sustainability advocate. And many more.
Or am I partnering, daughtering, friending, loving, dog caring, professors, creating, writing, gardening, and advocating for a sustainable future?
But is that me?
It's how I would say WHO I am, but is that also WHAT I am?
The me? What is it?
It is the individual.
The materials that make my body that make me are completely different from what they were seven years ago. Around every seven years, everything in our body has renewed itself. Nothing that was me when I studied and worked as a mechanical engineer is part of me anymore - physically.
But although the physical part has left me, I am still this self that remembers studying and working as a mechanical engineer (not much, to be honest, if we talk JIT processes or Kaizen). So what remains as a self are recurring thoughts and memories. When I die, it's not the body that ceases to exist because the body as I knew it once had already ceased to exist.
And when I die, the materials that make my body continue.
Life continues.
Just not in the form of Jessica. But in the form of other beings. Other beings will thrive on us, on me. On our bodies. The larvae, the microorganisms, that feast on our corpses. Our body becomes new life.
Life continues.
I find great peace in that thought. That even if I - as I perceive this self, this engineer, professor, partner, daughter, friend, lover, dog carer - will cease to exist, the materials that make me will continue to be new life. Although this specific form of a person that I perceive as myself ceases to exist, I will also continue. And I started long ago. The atoms in my body have once been stardust. Maybe they have once been part of a tyrannosaurus.
So it is those thoughts and memories that construct this self, in this body* that I already mourn, that I am scared to lose.
On the other hand: if I lose my thoughts and memories, for example, in the case of Alzheimer's, do I also cease to exist? Suddenly, it's not the mind to which I attach a self, but the body.
Although the body changes, there is also a body-ness that continues.
This continuity… it's the body and the mind—a unique combination. I need the body to make the experiences that imprint themselves on the mind. If there was nobody, there would be no thoughts and memories. That is, if I assume a material nature of things and that the mind has only material substance. Though, this has not been proven anywhere. So far, we are unsure where the mind, or consciousness, resides in the body—the hard problem of consciousness.
I can take a leap of faith and assume that my mind continues somehow. That's what religion is advocating. The afterlife. The rebirth. It's not the body that is reborn, but when we talk about rebirth, we talk about the mind continuing even when no longer attached to this particular body.
Suddenly, what used to be unthinkable without each other: the mind and the body, become separate. The body-mind or mind-body - the memories that were made in this specific form - disaggregate like a molecule that disaggregates into its individual atoms—a reversed chemical reaction.
As I mentioned before, I find the idea of idealism, as described by Bernardo Kastrup, compelling: that we are made out of mind. And that way, I think of myself as a wave that takes form momentarily - the form of the mechanical engineer. For a while, I became an individualized self, only to return to this greater mind again at one point. I am taking my experiences and knowledge with me. But they cease to belong to me and instead become part of the greater mind, which is constantly learning and evolving due to all the individual minds that were once part of other forms (humans and non-humans).
If I understand Kastrup correctly, it's not that the material stuff in this world is material first, but that the material is "mind stuff."
Some, like Nick Bostrom, might argue that the mind-stuff is the simulation we live in.
Few people - especially kids - report that they have once existed before (the research on this is quite fascinating). I am sceptic. Yet, I wonder if any people ever remembered being a spider in their "former" life. And with a former life, I don't mean an individual's former life - not my former life, for example - but our former lives. We have all been spiders, microbes, and microorganisms. Physically.
If we take some of the new research on psycho-neuro-immunology seriously, that we don't have a body and a mind, but a bodymind, then: can our body continue in spiders without our mind?
Panpsychism is a philosophical perspective that posits consciousness or mind as a fundamental and pervasive feature of the universe. It suggests that consciousness is not solely a product of complex biological systems, such as the human brain, but that it exists in some form within all matter. So the part of our body that becomes the spider has itself a mind.
According to panpsychism, consciousness is a fundamental property of reality, akin to mass or energy. It implies that even inanimate objects like rocks or atoms possess some level of consciousness or experiential nature. However, the nature and extent of consciousness in different entities can vary, with more complex systems exhibiting higher degrees of consciousness.
Panpsychism challenges the conventional view that consciousness solely emerges from specific arrangements of physical matter. Instead, it proposes that consciousness is an intrinsic aspect of the universe itself, potentially existing at different levels or degrees throughout the cosmos.
Whereas idealism states that the mind contains stuff, panpsychism states that stuff contains the mind.
So: what am I?
In the upcoming articles, I will write more about the "I" and the individual from a more analytical and conceptual perspective.
*Where “this” body even begins and ends is for another discussion.